i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
