At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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