also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
