i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
