Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's blow job season.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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