so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
