Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
