Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
try to milk me bitch
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