I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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