Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I had to cum in my sink.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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