Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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