Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
