i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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