Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
