Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
