I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
