DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
