Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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