I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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