Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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