nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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