I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
