he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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