So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
