I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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