i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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