I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
