I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Found the puke drawer
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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