When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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