Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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