I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
