Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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