i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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