i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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