Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
