I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
