just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
