she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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