She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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