I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
