I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
