All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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