I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This is the high leading the old right now
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
