A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
