Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
