i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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