: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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