i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
