I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
