Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
